He Said/She and She and She Said

We’re more than halfway through June which means we’re nearing the end of commencement season. I love this time of year for all of its pomp and circumstance, but especially because commencement speeches tell the tale of our dreams for the future.

This year, ambition - or more specifically, women’s ambition - has been the hot topic. You may have seen Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker’s speech for Benedictine College that argued women’s highest vocation and most important title is…homemaker.

Well, you can imagine how that went over. 

Butker was roundly denounced in the media and just about everywhere else. The NFL came out saying it doesn’t share Butker’s beliefs. Even the Benedictine nuns were offended. They wrote in response, “Instead of promoting unity in our church, our nation, and the world, his comments seem to have fostered division.”

Of course, social media had a field day. One of my favorite responses came from Twitter (still can’t call it X):

I especially loved it when Girls Who Code founder and caregiving activist, Reshma Saujani, reposted her fantastic 2023 speech for Smith College arguing the real “diabolical lie” told to women is that we’d achieve our ambitions if only we didn’t suffer from imposter syndrome. Yeah, right. 

Butker’s speech came in the face of a startling truth: Many Gen Z women don’t want to be married and/or mothers. In fact, in a recent poll only 30% indicated these are life goals. Sure, this may change. I know I would have said the same thing when I was 21 (types the mother of 3 who has been married to her college sweetheart for decades). 

Conservatives like Butker, much like progressives, feminists, capitalists, and just about everyone in between are fighting for the future of women’s role in society. And just about everyone has it wrong. Butker’s deeply offensive speech and the resounding response to it misses a key point: Gen Z may claim they don’t want to be wives or mothers, but even for those women who do, that doesn’t mean we aren’t ambitious.

When I interviewed 186 Boomer and Gen X women and surveyed over 1,500 more for my book, Work Pause Thrive: How to Pause for Parenthood Without Killing Your Career, I learned that the vast majority of these women considered themselves ambitious. In fact, 63% of respondents viewed themselves as VERY ambitious. And yet...72% of respondents reported they had either temporarily left the paid workforce or downshifted for a period of time.

They didn’t do this because they lacked ambition. Time and location mastery were key for ambitious mothers to thrive and the majority didn’t have that in their workplaces. They took their human capital elsewhere because the workplace didn’t treat them like the highly capable and productive people they are.

Note to employers: Check out the latest research from Stanford. Turns out you can reduce attrition by 33% by offering just a two day work from anywhere policy. For those in the back of the room, RTO is a recipe for failure if you want to keep ambitious talent.

The problem with the conversation around women, motherhood, and careers is that we are operating with an outdated view of what it means to be ambitious. We think ambition is equated with climbing the ladder, having a big title, gaining power and influence. We think that staying home and caring for the family and community reflects a lack of ambition.

As my research showed, women’s ambitions are vast. Yes, many of us want great careers. Many of us also want to be wives and mothers. We also want our communities to thrive, our environment to be healthy, and our companies to be more than money machines.

Oh, trust me, we women are ambitious, very ambitious.

By the way, who else has those big audacious ambitions? Millennials and Gen Z (duh). 

Deloitte’s most recent study revealed that “three-quarters of Gen Zs and Millennials (75%) say that an organization’s community engagement and societal impact is an important factor when considering a potential employer.” Additionally, 45% have either already changed companies or plan to change companies so they can work with an employer who is more committed to having a positive environmental impact. 

Big picture, if you want to get a hint into the future of the workplace, culture, and employee engagement, follow mothers. We are the canaries in the coal mine when it comes to the future of work.

Which brings me back to the best “commencement speech” of 2024, “No one should be told to stay in their lane,” by the co-founders and co-CEOs of theSkimm Danielle Weisberg and Carly Zakin. It’s the one you didn’t see or hear, but can be found in Fast Company where Danielle and Carly write,

So do I.

Lead On!

Lisen

P.S. The paperback copy of Work Pause Thrive is on sale right now at Amazon. You can get your copy here. 

P.P.S. For another great read on women’s ambition, check out Jennifer Romolini’s new memoir, Ambition Monster. It takes a clear eyed look at workaholism, the addictive nature of achievement, and the failures of our modern rat race. I know I’ve been guilty of being an Ambition Monster. How about you?